There is the *thing that happened*, and then there’s our perspective on *the thing that happened*. That perspective is filtered by history, culture, age, gender, experiences, both positive and negative – and resulting defenses – just to name a few.
Being with another person is much smoother, more interesting, fun, and positive when we figure out that we’re simply exploring one another’s perspectives rather than determining who’s right. Who really knows, anyway, since no one is without filters. Somewhere along the line (in my world, it’s childhood) we got a message that, in conflict, one person was right and one person was wrong, and that determination settled disputes. So all we have to do is figure out who’s right, right? Right there is the problem! What if we looked at it without needing rightness and wrongness? What if there was only curiosity about what it’s like to be the other person?
“You can be right, or you can be in relationship…”