Friendships, Porcupines and Random Sunday thoughts
“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
– Marcel Proust
I just spent the weekend with some dear friends, who are also therapists. This morning, we were deep in conversation about what it means to be and have good friends.
Yes, we have some things in common. Yes, we have fun together and laugh a lot. Yes, we care for one another in words and behaviors. We cheer each other on; we cheer for the same teams and have rich conversations about the things upon which we agree.
That is friendship, indeed. And, as we say in Imago-land, “there is more”.
Friendship also means that we can hear and experience the differences. We might have come from different backgrounds, or cheer for different teams. We don’t always agree; yet we are agreeable.
Connection isn’t just about seeing everything eye to eye. It’s the ability to see the differences in each other and stay CONNECT-ING. It’s who we’re BE-ING when we become aware of other-ness. It’s seeing and loving those parts of another person, even if we can’t identify it in our self.
Finally, friendship is about showing up, being authentically true to our self, while at the same time experiencing genuine compassion for each other.
It’s safe, trusting, caring acceptance of each other, whether we agree or disagree.
When we know we’re safe from the judgment of others, we can be who we are as less defended people. I’m definitely a better version of myself without my defenses.
As someone recently said, trying to hug a defended person is like trying to hug a porcupine. I’ll leave that there.
Be you. Be the best version of you. Show up. Love with all your heart. Receive the love of others. Be connecting.