Why You Should Immediately Begin Eliminating Negativity

I call it “negativity creep”.  It’s toxic and addictive, and it can seem like it crept in sometime in the night.  First we were in love, and the next thing you know, we seem to get triggered over even the most insignificant things.

During “romantic love”, we believed nothing could ever come between us.  The chemistry of romantic love is a “high” that feels amazing.  During this time, we project all kinds of beautiful, amazing qualities onto our love interest.

After a while, the feelings fade because the chemistry fades.  But not realizing this, we mistakenly think our partner has changed.  Think about it; isn’t the frustration you now have some variation on what you fell in love with?  Carefree eventually became irresponsible, or attentive became controlling.  It’s the same quality, just with a different focus.

At this point, the survival part of your brain begins reacting as if you’re in danger, so it signals for more cortisol to help you fight or flee.  The increase is this toxic hormone causes you to be more irritable and perhaps critical or defensive. This sparks your partner’s defense. And the next round of fighting begins. And now both of you are triggered.

If this is as pattern happening over and over, consider the consequences:

• It’s impacting your health. The effects of stress (and related cortisol) are well documented.
• It’s not only damaging your body, but also your relationship,
• your lifestyle,
• your outlook,
• your ability to enjoy the benefits of companionship and connection.
• If you have children, be aware that you are modeling for them what a relationship looks like. Surely we can teach them a better way.
• On top of all that, it’s a complete waste of priceless time, love and energy.
• It’s addictive.  The longer we do anything, the more habitual it becomes.

We were made with the ability to fight or flee, but it should not be a lifestyle and your partner is hopefully not your predator. But it can seem that way if negativity has crept in.

If you are in chronic need to fight or flee in your relationship, it is time to get help.  My goal for your relationship is for you to feel alive again.  To fully understand and be understood is to feel connected, positive, joyful, sexy, romantic and juicy.

Believe it or not, negativity creep is really not the end of your relationship; it’s signal for a new beginning. It’s not the relationship that needs to end; it’s the negativity.  Yes there is more.  There IS a better way.  Let’s talk.  #eliminatingnegativity