Improving Your Relationship in 2017

It’s a new year, and like many people, you may be making resolutions toward better health, or improved habits for a better quality of life.

Here are a few suggestions for resolutions that will strengthen your relationship, and improve your connection to your partner.

• Pay more attention to your partner. Listen to understand him / her.  Even when you disagree, rather than reply right away, find the sense he / she makes; e.g., “what you’re saying makes sense because…”
• Notice the behaviors of your partner that make you feel loved, and tell him / her.
• Do the behaviors that make your partner feel loved.
• Notice the traits of your partner that you admire.  Make a list of them and tell him / her.
• When your partner is dressed and ready to go someplace, notice and mention how nice s/he looks, paying particular attention to one or two details.  “I love your hair like that”; or “you look so nice in that dress”.
• What is your partner’s love language?  For example, if it’s physical touch or affection, be sure to initiate a kiss or hug.  If it’s quality time, be the one to ask your partner to go on a date where you can pay attention to him / her.
• Be more intentionally romantic.  Change up the bedroom.  Change the habits. Chances are one of you typically initiates sex. If you are not the one who fulfills that role, step into it by seducing your partner. Surprise!  If you are the one who most often initiates, change things up with something romantic that will help your partner feel deeply understood. You want your partner to want to want sex.  That is most likely going to happen when you stop pushing and start getting her / him. Go back to #1 above for a minute.  Feeling deeply understood is a powerful aphrodisiac.  Feeling “gotten” by your partner was likely part of your initial (and intense) attraction.  This is true in the bedroom.  It’s about both people feeling pleasure.
• Plan a date that is fun for both of you.
• If you’d like to be more connected and intentional about your relationship, consider attending a Getting the Love You Want weekend workshop for couples.
• If you find that you have more negatives than positives, consider seeing an Imago Relationship Therapist.

Happy New Year!